The Back To School Blues

Well the first day of school came and went.

It was not at all what I expected.

I had one very eager 3rd grader.  She’s been so excited for the start of school that she thought she was going to burst.  She loves her new teacher.  Her first words to me when I walked over to pick her up were, “My teacher rocks.  He’s awesome!”

And this girl, she’s been just chomping at the bit to get to kindergarten.

She didn’t even need to hold mine or daddy’s hand, she just charged right ahead of us.

But something changed once we got to her classroom.  Maybe she realized that this was it, she was going to have to be without me all day.  She jumped into my arms, buried her face in my neck and said, “I don’t wanna go, Mama.”

Talk about hard.  I was all prepared to fight back tears because my baby was so grown up and didn’t need me anymore.  Instead, I had to fight them back because my heart was breaking at the thought of leaving her when she so clearly didn’t want to stay.  She went back and forth between me and Brian, trying to get one of us to tell her she could just go home with us.  My good friend is the teacher’s aide in her class and I finally had to peel Nanner off of me and hand her to my friend.  Easily the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done.

Once I got home, I turned into an insane cleaning machine, doing anything and everything I could to keep my mind off the fact that she was there and crying for me.  It was an extremely long and quiet day for me.  I kept staring at the clock.  When it came time to walk over to the school, I jumped out the front door and probably had smoke coming off my heels as I tore through the neighborhood to rescue my baby.

Once she saw me, she ran and jumped into my arms.  She said she had a good day and that she liked kindergarten.  I was so relieved.  That relief was short-lived though.  At bedtime that night, she told me that she had decided that she didn’t want to do kindergarten.  She was just going to stay home with me like always.  I told her that she couldn’t do that and that she needed to give kindergarten another try.  On Tuesday morning, she did much better.  No crying and she only seemed slightly sad.  When I picked her up though, she again said that she missed me and that she doesn’t know anyone there and that it just wasn’t like pre-school.  Tuesday night, before bed, was more of the same.

I’m hoping that this is going to pass soon and that she will be enjoying herself before we know it.  It’s very hard to think of her being somewhere she doesn’t want to be for an entire day.  This is a small school.  But it is still much bigger than her pre-school and I think that is a little unsettling for her.

Meanwhile, my house is very clean and I’m getting lots of stuff accomplished.  Sewing (just some mending, nothing cool), canning, crocheting…already!  And it’s only been 2 days!  I like that.  Brian and I have been sitting out on the porch in the mornings and enjoying the peace and quiet.  And as soon as I feel like Hannah is settled a little bit in kindergarten, I’m going to try to volunteer in her class a few hours a week.  I don’t want to start now while she’s still getting used to being away from me for fear that it will make it harder for her.  But still, I start watching the clock about 2 hours before I’m due to go get them.  I miss them.  It’s an adjustment for us all.


3 thoughts on “The Back To School Blues

  1. Jen August 18, 2010 at 4:58 pm Reply

    Oh boy…can I relate to this post! She will be fine in no time as will you!


  2. Gretchen August 18, 2010 at 5:36 pm Reply

    I wondered how it went for you. I am sorry. I can’t imagine how hard being gone all day is. I am okay with half day but I’m not sure how I will be with all day. But you are getting more hubby time right? And I am glad your house is clean too! Maybe we can get together to do some sewing or canning.

  3. Becky August 20, 2010 at 11:41 am Reply

    Poor thing. And I’m not sure if I’m talking about you or her. Maybe both. It’s hard to hold back the tears for fear of upsetting them more.
    It’s so hard to watch them grow up when you want to keep them little and huggable forever.
    I’ve been there three times and not one was easier than the other.
    Alll of mine are grown up now with the youngest being 6’1″ and only 13. I think he has been the hardest to let go because he’s the baby. Okay so he’s not all grown up, but at his height he sure seems like it.
    It will get better for you both in time. But it sure is hard waiting.

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