Today my eyeballs were burned almost completely out of my head.
I cried. Really I did. Real tears and all.
I was chopping up a habanero pepper for Brian’s lunch. You know habaneros, right? One of the hottest peppers in the world? The kind that they warn you to wear gloves with while cutting them? And repeatedly warn you to wash hands thoroughly after handling?
And not 5 minutes after I said “Girls, see these peppers here that mommy just cut up? Don’t touch them. Don’t even come near them.”, my eye itched and I scratched it. Even though I had washed my hands thoroughly (or so I thought), it immediately felt as if someone was pouring rubbing alcohol or perhaps lava into my eye.
I ran, screaming, into the bathroom, narrowly missing running straight into the wall. I screamed “BRIAN I NEED YOU!!!!!!”
Because, you know, my running and screaming wasn’t really enough of a red flag to him that I might need assistance. While I’m jumping and screaming in the bathroom, I can hear him telling the girls about how HOT these peppers are.
“HELLOOOOO! NEED ASSISTANCE IN THE BATHROOM! EYEBALLS MELTING DOWN MY FACE!”
So, we stood over the sink while he poured cold water into my eyes and all over my face. When the burning finally subsided enough for me to stop screaming, I found that one of my contacts was folded up and wedged into the corner of my eye. He had handled the peppers too, so I didn’t want him trying to get the contact out. I ended up getting it out with a towel.
So, I now had one blind eye that was badly burned and full of lint and one eye that still had a contact in it. My vision is really bad, so I can’t function with one contact in and one out.
So I washed my hands thoroughly precisely 27 times and then attempted to remove the other contact, thus starting another round of screaming and hopping and crying.
What I’m trying to say folks is this: Don’t mess around with the habaneros. Wear gloves, people! And if you don’t wear gloves, you have to wash your hands to the point of being raw and red and almost bleeding. And once you’ve done that, go ahead and wash them again about 13 more times for good measure.