I was going to post pictures of Hannah’s birthday party, but something has happened that demands to be told in it’s place. I am going to do my best to put it all into words which will accurately convey how hilarious this was, but I am pretty certain that it’s gonna be one of those “you had to be there” stories.
My aunt Julie and I are both big Dallas Cowboys fans. And whenever they are on TV, she usually comes down and watches the game with me. She lives right up the street, so she usually just walks or rides her bike.
Sunday night, our boys were on TV, so she walked down. We watched the game and ate some of my husband’s wonderful chili and had a grand old time. The boys won and we were happy as could be.
She went to leave and I walked her out onto the porch and about the time she got out into the street, we heard this vicious barking. It was close by and rapidly getting closer. It was really dark out, so we couldn’t really see anything, but then I kind of saw the silhouette of this big black dog charging at her.
I screamed at her “Get back in here!”
People, I have NEVER and I mean NEVER EVER seen a human being move so fast in my life. She was up on the porch and in the house before I even got finished yelling at her!
We kinda fell into the house and proceeded to almost die of laughter. Then we peeked our heads back out the door and there was the dog, standing in the road, staring at my house. We stepped out onto the porch and there was another barrage of vicious barking and she started to run towards us again. I say “she” because I realized that it was my neighbor’s dog, Abby.
We went back into the house and I literally almost peed my pants laughing. I mean the dog was staring down my house!
Let me just state right now, for the record, that I offered at least a million times to drive her home! But,she, being the stubborn fool that she is, wouldn’t hear of it, so we started looking around for something that she could use as a weapon, if needed. All we could find was an umbrella.
So, she walked back out armed with the umbrella. Abby had retreated just a little, but again, as soon as Julie got out into the road, she began to charge at her! Snarling and barking viciously again. Ju pointed the umbrella at her and then pushed the button. The umbrella popped open and scared Abby to death! The dog started to scurry away and then suddenly, she turned back to Ju and charged again. It was almost as if she realized “Hey, that was just a stupid umbrella! I ain’t scared of that!”
Again, I wish that you guys could have seen the speed in which Ju made it from the street to my porch!
We fall into the house again and decide that we need to devise a master plan to outsmart this dog. (How my family stayed asleep through all of this is a wonder to me.) The plan we came up with was this: she was gonna go out the back and take the alley all the way to her house. I was going to go out onto the porch and create a diversion, so she could escape unnoticed.
I had no idea what I was going to do, but I went out there, wrapped in a blanket and giggling my head off. I saw Abby standing in the road and looking towards the house. She looked at me and started barking, but stayed right where she was. Clearly, her beef was with Ju and no one else. Then, she looked toward the alley. It was so dark that I couldn’t see out there to know where Ju was, but Abby started growling and barking, so I think she either heard or saw her. This was where I was supposed to come in and save the day with some kind of antics that would make the dog focus on me instead of Ju in the alley.
So, what tactical strategy did I come up with? What kind of heroic effort did I put forth? I started fake-coughing. Really loud.
Yeah, it was real James Bond. But it worked. I called her after a couple of minutes and she was a block up the road and Abby was still barking at her, but was still standing in the road down by my house.
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! And I heard Abby barking all night long. I hope no one else fell victim to her attacks last night.