Please! Keep Your Crack To Yourself!

Okay, I need to vent for a moment. You know what I hate? I hate jeans that do not allow you to bend over without bearing your entire behind to the rest of the world!

I was cooking supper the other night and trying to talk to Brian at the same time. I had the oven door open and was trying to check to see if the meatloaf was done in the middle. Well, I looked away at him and when I did, I accidentally pulled the meatloaf off the rack and it fell onto the open oven door and splashed grease all over my favorite jeans. I was so mad! I immediately sprayed and washed them, but the grease didn’t come out. So, I reluctantly had to retire my FAVORITE jeans to paint/yard work detail.

First of all, I only have 3 pairs of jeans. Secondly, I am very picky about my jeans! So, when I find a good pair, I tend to wear them until they disintegrate. You can ask my sweet mamaw, as she has had to patch many a pair of jeans for me because I refuse to let them go. And as you know from this post, we’re trying to get out of debt right now, so I can’t justify buying a new pair of jeans.

I was forced to pull something out of the backup stash. You know, the jeans you keep around “just in case”. In case of what, I don’t know, but I have a couple of pairs that I’ve held onto even though I don’t like them at all.

So, I found the ones that I detested the least and put them on this morning. The problem is, every time I bend ever so slightly forward, my whole butt is right there for the world to see. And I know that no one wants to see it. I don’t even want to see it and it’s mine!

I do not understand why it is that almost every pair of jeans out there right now has to be so incredibly low-rise that the rise is almost non-existent. Does anyone else feel my pain? I mean I like the low-rise, it’s just the no-rise that I’m having an issue with. I don’t want jeans that come up to my chin either, so I’m left to try to make these horrible crack-showing jeans work.

I guess I will have to resort to wearing either really long shirts or my jacket tied around my waist every time I need to wear these blasted jeans.

Thank you for your unwavering attention while I work out these most pressing and important issues.

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7 thoughts on “Please! Keep Your Crack To Yourself!

  1. Becky October 10, 2008 at 11:55 am Reply

    I’m right there with you! I despise to see butt crack, underwear, bloomers, thongs…
    And I hate wearing jeans that I must constantly stand at attention to keep from showing one of the above.
    I’m standing on the “Soap Box” with you!
    I wonder how big that box is? I know there are others who might want to jump up there with us.

  2. Gretchen October 10, 2008 at 12:04 pm Reply

    I’m just glad you didn’t post any pictures. Just kidding!

  3. thedomesticfringe October 10, 2008 at 7:59 pm Reply

    I feel your pain! I’m one of those people that literaly needs to try on 100 pairs of jeans just to find ONE that fits correctly. I don’t like mooning the world either and it sorta bothers me to see everybody else’s crack. Who makes these jeans!!!! Don’t they have “normal” bodies?

  4. Maggie October 11, 2008 at 1:16 am Reply

    Have you tried using some of that orange hand cleaner (that mechanics use) on the grease stains? I’ve never used it on clothes, but I have on carpet and it works!

    That is the limit of my stain fighting knowledge. Carry on.

  5. klutzymama October 11, 2008 at 1:33 am Reply

    Hey Maggie! I have not tried that, but I am certainly going to! If it gets that stain out, I will be forever in your debt! Thanks for the tip!

  6. Kristi Smith October 11, 2008 at 2:42 am Reply

    Well this won’t help you any (because of the getting out of debt part) but I think Gap jeans are awesome!!! They are expensive but I definitely get my wear out of them and they don’t show my crack. I buy the Long and Leans and Essential (first time I tried them, and I like them). I wear jeans everyday. I love my Gaps and I am not buying anymore cheap jeans because they never fit right. But if you can find some at Good Will (surely people buy them and then grow out of them) or in the clearance racks when new styles come out, get some!

    It could have been a lot worse, you could have broke the oven door when you dropped the meatloaf . . . think of the positives. 😉

  7. klutzymama October 11, 2008 at 10:23 am Reply

    Kristi,
    I believe that I used to own a pair of Long & Leans and I’m pretty sure that I liked them, so maybe I’ll have to try them again. The jeans that I wear now are the “boyfriend’s” from American Eagle and I like them because they are low-rise without butt cleavage. I’m guessing they are probably in the same price range as the AE ones. Anyhow, I can’t buy either one of them new, but I am gonna keep eye out for something at Goodwill! Thanks!

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